Barmaid resume

barmaid resume

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To the citizens of the United States of America, following your failure to elect either a half decent candidate or man-monkey as President of the usa to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her sovereign Majesty queen Elizabeth ii will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a british Crown Dependency, please comply with1 the following acts:. Look up "revoke" in a dictionary. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God save the queen". Start referring to "soccer" as football.

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The uk will harmonise its prices to those of the former usa and the former usa will, in return, adopt uk petrol prices (roughly 6/US gallon - get used to it). You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then youre not grown up enough to handle a gun. Please tell us who killed jfk. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation. (2000) alan essay baxter's notice of revocation of independence. From a company Intranet newsgroup and read: London, 8th november 2000.

The traditional accompaniment to chips is essay beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From november 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "weak near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. From november 1st the uk will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2001) prices with the former usa.

barmaid resume

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All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and business without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are belgian though.85 of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.

You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive day". All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you german cars, you will understand what we mean.

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barmaid resume

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Those of report you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a us rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'world Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only.15 of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. You should declare war on quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The.85 of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "5hit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns.

Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play english characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God save the queen but only after fully carrying out task. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. You should stop playing American "football".


There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The.15 of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game.

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The microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize". You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as devonshire in England. The name of the county is "devon". If you persist in calling it devonshire, all American States will become "shires". Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

barmaid resume

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra'. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'pittsberg' if you can't cope with today correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. There is no such thing as "us english". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing. The letter 'u' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour skipping the letter 'u' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise".

He did not write. It was present on Usenet and the Internet long before his name became associated with. To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her sovereign Majesty queen Elizabeth ii will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she thesis does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The right Honourable tony Blair, mp for the.85 of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the senate will be disbanded.

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Notice of revocation of independence, notice of revocation of us independence. Click here for the 2016 "queen's Message to America notice of revocation of independence (2000). The reviews revocation of Indpendence as executed by Alan Baxter peter rieden, 8th nov 2000, apparently inspired by an email sent by dan Fox (who claims to be the "ultimate originator or kevin o'connor (who also claims to be the "ultimate originator. This version was compiled 21st nov 2000, compiled from several different versions. Early drafts, showing how it grew, are further down. Responses and related pieces are also included further down. Important note: The "revocation of Independence" is, nOT by john Cleese. During 2005, a version was wrongly attributed to him and was circulated crediting Cleese as the author.


Barmaid resume
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  4. New jobs posted every minute. Pennsylvania job wanted/ resume. Stripper or bs wanted (Pa). All the milwaukee slops can go back into the barmaid s apron they were squeezed out of and as for British beer.

  5. Adrian the riveter, the yard rsquo;s intellectual and agitator, who rsquo;s gifted ldquo;with rhyme and metre rdquo;. Peggy, the barmaid.silence, but Ralph Hamon was blessed with a thick skin, and although he had been given the lie direct, he was not particularly disconcerted, not even when, attempting to resume. So once the media spotlight on lftb was removed, i suppose it was predictable that some districts would choose to resume serving it to their students. and so he starts a search for his missing partner, which leads him to uncover government conspiracies, a buxom barmaid. Pennsylvania jobs wanted and employment classifieds.

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